Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

              Have you ever had an epiphany that required major life changes? Have you ever woken up one day and decided something needs to change or death by sameness may be imminent ? Have you ever been stuck in rut? Well I have!

                I have been so unhappy with the way my life is headed lately. I feel like every day is the same. I wake up, eat breakfast, have a quick panic attack, go to work(at a job that literally makes me want to stab myself in the neck repeatedly with a very dull  butter knife), have another panic attack, eat lunch, go back to work, come home, de-stress, cook dinner, and go to bed (all so I can relive the horror all over again tomorrow). I hate it, and I am determined to change it! Starting with my job.

                 I hate to say it, but I need a new job. It is stressing me out, and I can't take stress, and  I especially cannot take people yelling at me all day. I have never handled stress very well, and I don't plan on finding a way to deal with it, and allowing stress to incorporate itself in to my life. I just can't do it. So, I'm making finding a new job my first order of business.

                 My second order of business is finding more time for writing. I love writing. I wish I could write for a living. I would love to stay at home, and write my novels at my very own desk dressed in my very best comfy pj's where my only problem would be figuring out what story to start writing first. I want that life, I wouldn't say that I would be willing and or prepared to kill for that life, but I may be willing to do just about everything but.

                I need a change, and I know Rome wasn't built in a day, so, I am staring small. Well, somewhat small. Finding a new job that doesn't stress me out in this economy is going to be (please do forgive my Japanese) a bitch-e-oto, but I have drive, and I am up for the challenge.

                As for the increase in writing. I am definitely making that a priority starting right now with this post. Normally, when I think of writing a blog I think of this long horrible daunting task. But, it doesn't have to be and I realize that now. I feel like when I write a blog it has to be structured with a beginning, a  middle, and an end. It takes time, planning and  plotting.  It's horrible, and I don't have time for that shit. I have a job that is trying to kill me via stress.

                I've been thinking about this blog quite a bit recently, and I've decided that I don't need structure, I don't need planning and I sure as hell don't need plotting. I just need a computer with a semi-clean keyboard and a thought. I  have always preferred a stream of consciousness to structure and order. So, this is me saying fuck structure! Fuck order! Fuck censoring myself! And sure as hell fuck tradition! I have never been very traditional and neither has my writing. So, get ready internet for what I can only describe as chaos, and a heck of a lot of randomness. Prepare yourself for the rude, the crude and the uncensored. I have always censored what I wrote so that I didn't come off like I was inept and crazy. But, I am crazy, and I am tired of changing everything so that I don't offend. So, this is me giving fair warning. Be prepared to be offended and definitely be prepared for more blogging.